the logbook

3/31/2024
i wish i was born a little earlier so i could have lived without the internet. just for a little while. i'm filled with dread all the time. keeps me tethered. hope so. i'm trying not to cut out much from when i write. less backspace, less rewriting. just writing.

well.

i got contacts last week. it's sunday now at night (morning) so it was last week. easter is tommorow (today). just got up and turned out my lights. its dark and the window right behind me is open. it makes me uneasy but i will keep it open. art is suffering or something. i wish i could write better poetry.

it's difficult to not know everything, it really is. im sure a lot of people share this sentiment. it kills me to know im not unique. i lie in my bed and imagine myself a great thinker but i know im not and will never so much as resemble one.

i'd say i'm introspective, maybe. very introspective. but i dont really understand any of it.

4/1/2024

the meowth will rise again

4/2/2024
really bad weather today. chances of tornadoes. if this site is never updated at least you'll know what happened to me. i'll probably be fine though.

i put my electronics and other stuff i wouldn't want to lose in a bag just in case my house is destroyed. then i can just grab the bag if i have to go huddle up in the basement. hopefully nothing happens. would suck to have a destroyed house, plus i'd lose all my figures and other collections. mostly the house though.

my room is a mess. i really need to clean it. there's trash just about everywhere. i wish i just kept my room clean all the time instead of letting garbage pile up and then dedicating a day to cleaning it. would be a whole lot easier

my aunt gave me a digital camera but it didn't come with a battery and can only read floppy disks. it wouldn't be a problem except for the fact i don't have any camera batteries or a floppy disk to usb reader. another issue is the battery i need is super expensive.

4/10/2024
exciting things coming soon in my life.

4/10/2024

exciting things coming soon in my life.



watched No Country For Old Men. very good movie. my favorite character was Anton.

4/11/2024
i've been unbearably bored recently. i wish i could have a slightly more interesting time here.

i feel like i've done nothing my entire life. it's partially true, i've hardly experienced anything. i've never had a real "friend group". i've had people who's parents made them invite me to things. it's sad that i was too retarded to realize they didn't actually see me as a friend.

i always percieve my relationships to be closer than they actually are. my entire life has been uninteresting and insignificant.

i acknowledge that life isn't like the movies and that it isn't supposed to be interesting all the time. the issue comes when i don't have the baseline experiences everyone has had, like actual friendships. i don't have any childhood best friends, i don't have any real life friends now. nothing ever changes.

4/26/2024

i wish i wasn't so clingy.